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Despite promises of various posts to come I've yet to achieve any of them. I could blame things such as lighting and being too busy, but that would essentially be a lie, and I like to be honest.
The reason I considered not being honest is that generally, this blog is my happy place, but sometimes life isn't always happy. So this is not a sympathy post, it's an explanation, it's therapy, call it what you will, but please don't call me attention seeking.
Next month when I come to reflect on the year 2013, I will quite frankly be glad to see the back of it, as it's been a year full of sadness for my family and loved ones. You my remember from my September monthly post, that we lost two family members recently, well it's time to add another to the list. Previously my other half lost his step-grandfather, and I lost my grandmother. I can now add my granddad to that list, who we lost last week. On his birthday. Armistice Day. Next years two minutes silence will have so much more meaning than any other year passed before. I have now lost all of my grandparents, and I cry even as I write this. Not just for me, but for my future children, who will not know the joy and fascination of having great-grandparents and the stories and the history they hold, in the same way I did. For that, is a great loss. Instead, their memories will have to come via me, and the aid of some beautiful documents left behind, found in a vintage suitcase, whilst clearing out my grandparents home.
I know in my heart of hearts that he is in a better place, free from the pain and suffering, and mental anguish, that comes from the cruelty of degenerative disorders such as dementia and Alzheimer's. Robbing a man of memories of even his own children's existence. But selfishly, I long for one last humorous conversation.
In amongst his sadness, my heart bleeds for my poor mother, who has not only lost her parents, but three of her beloved dogs this past year, one of which also last week. I wonder how the fates can be so cruel at times, but this is the risk of rescuing these poor unloved souls. The comfort is knowing the love they had in their golden years.
On what is perhaps a slightly less sad note for many, but couldn't really have come at a worse time, was my faithful little red mini decided it was also no longer for this world, and the time came where I had to bite the bullet and invest in something else. While for many this should be a pleasurable experience, for me I have had no joy from this. As it came at a cost. The cost of my wedding. Although plans continue, due to the many deposits and bookings lost, for so many family, the financial implications adds stress and anxiety to what should be a joyous occasion.
There also couldn't have been a worse time to start a new job, although the business helps keep the mind functioning. It's somewhat unsurprising that day to day elements of my life are getting forgotten, such as eating, sleeping, blogging. At times its a wonder poor Toby gets fed, but the unconditional love from him, his feline friend, and my glorious husband to be, keep me going.
I could not have even written this post a week ago, and come next week I will be much the same. But I always know the blogging world is still there, waiting for me, to comfort me when I need it most. To share in the good times, and sometimes, the not so good times, and I hope will still be there, when the previously promised posts come to fruition.
Thank you for listening (reading?)
